Thursday, April 30, 2009

Swine.

Let's face it - the pig is getting a bad rap these days. After decades as a universal pejorative, the pigs already had it rough. Now, they've sickened humanity with a global pandemic.

I will say that the germaphobe in me appreciates the nationwide lesson in hand-washing and elbow-coughing; nothing makes my kids wash their hands like President Obama telling them that they must. I no longer feel like a freak for toting my 16 oz Purell hand pump to the grocery store and playground with me. My husband is *finally* removing his icky hospital gear on the back deck before hugging my children. So, in that respect, viva the swine flu.

But still... the poor pigs. All they did was get sick... and they have no elbows to cough into.

So, in the name of preserving the pig's good/bad name, I challenge you all to add to my list of favorite swine dishes. Pile on the pig-inspired food! Here's my starting point:

Favorite Swine Foods:

- Good old bacon and eggs on a Sunday morning.
- Hot dogs. Boiled in maple sap. Really.
- Brats and beer, ideally consumed in Germany
- As Peter Brady put it, "Pork chops and apple sauce." (Kudos if you watched enough Brady Bunch in your time to get this reference. Some of you forks might be too young...)
- Roast pork loin. Here's one that adds even more pig to the pile: Maple-wrapped pork loin

More, ladies?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Talking Trash

I don't have a new recipe to review. Sadly, I've recently re-joined the ranks of Weight Watchers, (Maple syrup has a boatload of Points y'all!) and while I don't subscribe to the whole, "screw nutrition! Stay within your points!" mantra many members swear by- there are a few products that I absolutely refuse to eat.

1. Spray "butter." This skeeves me out, although it may be handy to get the squeaks out of our tricycle.

2. McDonalds Ice cream cones. They ENCOURAGE you to go get these for a treat. "But they are only 3 points!" I heard over and over and over again. I haven't eaten McDonalds ice cream since I was 5 and had to drop coffee stirrers into a cup at the world's lamest birthday party. Not gonna happen.

3. Fat free Cool Whip. I'm not a fan of Cool Whip. I do, begrudgingly, put this in a modified strawberry trifle, but not happily. What is Cool Whip anyway? Was it created by NASA? Is it a space-version of whipped cream that defies gravity and serves as an embalmer if one passes away in space? Can someone in Houston check into this for me and report back?

4. Sloppy Joes. I've got a Weight Watchers recipe for Sloppy Joes using ground turkey and frozen peas and carrots. Blech. If I tried to make it a man-wich night, my man would cry. LIKE A BABY. Plus, I'd retain enough water to make the senior citizen manning the scales bitch slap me back into my fat pants.

I can't think of another one because I'm so disgusted at the thought of eating a meal comprised of spray butter, Mickey D's frozen dairy topping, Space age whipped cream and seasoned dog food. Hey! Maybe now I'll lose some weight.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Pucker Up, Lemon Drop!

I have decided to give my life away to science. And for purely scientific reasons, I embarked on making 6 batches of lemon drop martinis tonight to see if it was possible to make one as good as the bartender at the Daily Grill in the Galleria.

Here is what I discovered during this experiment:

1. It is not a great idea to start making batches of martinis while you are actually supposed to be finishing up dinner for the children and they are VERY hungry.
2. Juicing lemons and shaking a martini shaker are fun activities for 2 year-olds.
3. While I am capable of making a pretty darn good martini, I have not actually been able to replicate my favorite.
4. Pour slowly, and be okay with dumping a batch out if you really don't like it, otherwise you won't be able to write your article later.
5. Making everything " The Best ______ Ever" is starting to take the joy out of life, but I have no idea how to stop.
6. This would have been a much better drink to serve at the "Green Ball" that I helped plan instead of the sickly sweet apple martinis that they chose instead.
7. I would really, really like to know why one of my martini glasses is missing.

So make yourself up a batch and feel free to let me know if you have the actual secret ingredient so I can rest easy at night . . .

Adrienne's Pretty Darn Good Lemon Drop Martinis
Serves 1:
1 1/4 ounces Citrus Vodka (I used Absolut Citron)
1/2 ounce Cointreau
2 teaspoons splenda or superfine sugar
3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice
Ice, crushed
Sprig of Rosemary for Garnish if you have one lying around or miraculously growing in your garden
Pour all of the ingredients into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice and shake very, very well.
Take your martini glass and rub one leftover lemon half along the edge and then dip the edges in superfine sugar or splenda (my personal favorite since I prefer to expand my thighs via cheesecake and not mixed drinks).
Pour martini into glass and garnish with rosemary sprig or twisted peel of a lemon, if rosemary is not available.
Enjoy!



Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My personal Julia Child...


As you all know, I married into a family of chefs, wine experts, and foodies.  My Mother-in-law is Head Chef of the foodie clan.  She worships at the altar of Julia Child, devout in her belief that cream and butter are underused commodities.  Her cat is named Julia.  

Above all else, she is the master of the reduction sauce.  She can do hundreds of different versions of a reduction... and each and every one of them are simply superb. 

She has tried to teach me.  I have tried to learn.

Finally, during her visit last week, I wised up.  I got her to make two reduction sauces on consecutive nights.  On the first night, I watched, drank wine, and ate.  On the second night, I frantically typed a draft of this blog entry, trying to ask every stupid question I could think of along the way.  I wanted to get every step down, and to understand why I was doing each thing.  Some of it I already knew.  Most of it I needed to re-learn.    

Be forewarned:  This is a really LONG and detailed post.  It's sort of like reading the dissertations in Cooks Illustrated, except with (hopefully) more wit and decidedly less expertise.  And no line drawings. 

At any rate, here it is - Lamb with a rosemary red wine reduction, and a lot of detailed explanation along the way:

- Start by buying your lamb at Central Market.  You will impress your visiting chef houseguest by pointing out the fois gras, rosemary bread, fresh Texas produce, and free samples.  You'll feel like it's an extra-special meal even before you exit the grocery store (that advice, obviously, didn't come from my MIL)
- Take the lamb chops out of the fridge for 10-15 minutes before you begin.  The risk of food poisoning has apparently been greatly exaggerated in my mind; allowing meat to relax on the counter will not kill your family.
- In a large saute pan, heat 2 T butter and 1.5 T olive oil over high heat.  The oil allows you to heat the butter to a higher temperature without burning it.  Who knew?  The mixture should bubble and can brown slightly.
- Pat the meat dry with paper towels.  This step is vital - you must eliminate the water, otherwise when you add the meat to the hot pan, you'll essentially be steaming the meat a bit as the water escapes.  Think of all the innocent meat that I've steamed accidentally..... every single piece of meat I've ever cooked.
- Rub the chops with a clove of garlic, front and back.  Salt and pepper them.
- Score the fat on the sides of the chops in one or two places; by cutting through the thick fat and fascia, you'll prevent curling as it cooks.  
- Add the chops to the pan in a single layer.    Brown on both sides.  You want them to carmelize and turn a nice, even brown color.  Dark brown is ideal, but not blackened.  Black is bitter.   The idea here is to sear the meat to seal the juices inside - a rookie move that even I know about!
- Reduce the temperature once both sides are browned.  This part is always what kills me; I get the meat browned, but then I have no faith that it will actually cook through the middle, so I do silly things like raise the heat again, cover it with a lid, or panic and stuff everything in the oven.  Part of the key here is to get a cut of meat that's the appropriate thickness.  On the previous night, we made beef fillets with a similar reduction sauce; Lynn was careful to ask for meat that was just a little over 1 inch thick, about 6 oz. each. 
- Carmelization gives the meat its flavor.  This process requires oxygen; if you put a lid on the meat (or even a cover to prevent splattering, as I have in the past), you'll wreck the flavor.  It turns out that preserving the integrity of your freshly-cleaned cooktop must be secondary to preserving the flavor of your meal.  Again, who knew?
- Really great chefs will tell you that you can tell when the meat is done by the feel of it when you push with your finger.  Don't  believe it; they are full of it when it comes to this strategy.  Use an instant read thermometer to judge when to remove them from the pan, bearing in mind that you'll tent them with foil and the chops will continue to cook after you remove them from the pan.  125 degrees for medium rare.  
- Remove the chops to a shallow dish and tent with foil, or put them on a warm-hold oven.  (What the hell is a warm-hold oven, you may ask?  It's an oven... that is slightly warm.... for holding things that are already cooked.  Ah.  Right.)
- Once the meat is out of the pan, drain the remaining juices out of the pan.  The brown bits leftover from the carmelization process should still be there - don't scrape the pan.  I'm always tempted to leave lots of the juice in there, but you shouldn't - it'll just dilute the flavor further and affect the consistency of the sauce.
- Return the pan to medium-low heat.  Add the shallots and garlic and cook for just 60 seconds or so.  You don't want them to crisp and blacken, as this will create a bitter taste.  
- Pull the pan off the heat; add about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of red wine, one sprig of rosemary and one/two sprigs of thyme.  Return the pan to high heat and bring to a boil.
- Reduce the sauce until you have about 2-4 T of sauce (for 3-4 people) ; it's a look more than a quantity.  Reduction concentrates the flavor of the wine and herbs.  The mistake I always make is to under-reduce; I'm always afraid that there won't be enough sauce in the end, that somehow if I erase all that liquid there won't be enough flavor.  But really, I'm just producing a diluted sauce - it's critical to reduce it adequately.
- Add approximately 1/2-3/4 cup of beef broth.  I always substitute chicken broth and, evidently, this is a big no-no.
- Stir with a wire whisk, making sure that you scrape up all of the brown bits from the bottom and corners of the pan.  Bonus:  makes the pan easier to clean!  This sort of atones for the damage done to your cooktop in the earlier steps.
- Finally, the finishing touch:  Add three tablespoons of butter, one tablespoon at a time, swirling it into the sauce with your whisk.  Reduce the heat to medium if need be to ensure that the butter remains unseparated as it melts; you don't want the butter to separate in high heat over a long time or it will ruin the consistency of the sauce.  The critical thing here is to achieve the right ratio of butter to fat; it's hard to quantify, but the sauce should look... right.  This is one of those nebulous "chef" phrases that really kills the novice like me, but I think I've got it after watching this process.  Add in any juices that have emerged from the meat as it has been tented.
- Chop up some rosemary and tarragon (actually, do this earlier so it's all ready).
- Plate the meat.  Sauce the meat.  EAT THE MEAT.

We ate it with haricots vert, salted with butter, and rice pilaf cooked with a sprig of tarragon and a big ol' bay leaf in it.  It was, as we say in New Hampshire, wicked good.  Wait, I think that descriptor was supposed to go with the maple-sap hot dog entry....